I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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