i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
