Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
