Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
