i need an iv and a liver transplant
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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