4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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