This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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