If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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