and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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