OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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