remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
