if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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