My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
