no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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