I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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