jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
