i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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