She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
