HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
