just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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