I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
