He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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