Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
