Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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