I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
