In the future we'll all be gay
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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