you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
