our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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