I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
