the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
