My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
