someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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