4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
