Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
