smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
