I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
