she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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