The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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