frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
