I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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