I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
