Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
