I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
