Can i not drive my cunt home
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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