Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
