my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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