i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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