I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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