So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
