I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
