Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
