rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
