He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
