if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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