your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
