My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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