how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
