Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
