I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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