please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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