Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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