Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
