Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
