You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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