You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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