you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
