If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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