the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
