his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
