ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
