I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
