Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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