shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
