Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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