He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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