He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
