It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
