u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
